I'm getting pretty disheartened, discouraged, depressed...call it what you want. I know that many pregnancies are late, especially for first-time moms, but I'm starting to lose faith in my body and my ability to have this baby. I feel like I have absolutely no control and that I'm spiraling down the path of losing the kind of birth I really want to have with every passing hour of uterine silence.
Everyday for the past two weeks I've woken up and thought, "maybe today!" with excitement. Sunday I even had contractions getting closer and closer together (for a grand total interval of 8 minutes!!) which helped me be strong in church to face the constant, painful barrage of "what are you doing here?" and "not in labor, huh?" comments. Well, I'm not even excited anymore.
Every morning now I wake up and think, "oh man, I didn't go into labor overnight" (which is the most likely time because of our natural hormone circadian rhythms). Then I spend my days trying to come up with semi-productive activities to fill the annoyingly long and arduous next 16 hours. Everything from massages, cooking, cleaning every last spotless corner of our already clean house, washing baby clothes and cloth diapers, reading, researching medical questions (mostly about pregnancy, let's be honest), rearranging the baby's room AGAIN, texting and calling back well-meaning friends and family that, NO, our baby is NOT here. Painful. My mom even tried to recruit me to strip an old bench of hers and--gasp--I'm actually considering it!
I've run (ok, more alternating power-walking and running) about 5 miles a day since 39 weeks and the midwife has told me two weeks in a row that this baby's head is still floating in deep space nine, also known as NOT MY PELVIS. I've been dilated to a pathetic 1cm for two weeks despite cervical evening primrose oil, membrane sweeping, red raspberry leaf herbal tea, and yes, sex, which if I can be perfectly frank, is just ridiculous this pregnant. Effacement? Let's just say I went backward from last week from 50% to 30%. Is that even possible??
When I started writing this, I was kind of sad, and listening to Rascal Flatt's "Easy"--you should youtube it, it's a great song. But now after this long rant I'm more mad about it all and my itunes has crawled down to Glee's mashup of "Rumor Has It/Somebody Like You" which is a more appropriate angry/sad montage. The first verse aptly starts off with, "She...she ain't real." Yep, that pretty much sums it up about how I'm feeling about this mystery baby who I don't even really know.
On a final note, I have a gorgeous new camera and this post probably deserves a picture of my 40+ weeks pregnant self, but I'm still trying to muster up the courage to let Boyd take one of those. Stay tuned and you may get lucky in the next few days with just such a pic.
I really don't want to go to TMC or be induced. I had visions of something in my life not being shrouded with medicine, so I hope something happens in the next 3 days or that's where we're headed, sadly enough. I'll even happily accept a Friday the 13th birth. And if you've read this far into my horrible rant perhaps you should win the "delivery date" prize from my previous post because it looks like everyone's guesses are going to be under.
Ok, with that off my chest, here's to some positive thinking!
8 comments:
so, I was about 10 or 11 days late with our last and I was at church and this guy in our ward approached me, he was a massage therapist and he swore he had a way to get my baby out. He did this pressure point thing around my ankle and I don't know if that was what did it or not (I also tried castor oil that night) but that night (about 12 hours or so later) my water broke. So it may be worth googling and having Boyd try out on you.
I went into labor the night I posted on my blog about how he was never going to come. Good luck!
I would be really really sad if it ended up being just a tumor. You still have to call me back even though I know the answer to my first question. I mostly just want to talk to you because I miss you. Also this question about water is in need of discussion.
I am still on for lucky 13! Didn't realize it was a Friday this month, guess that makes it even luckier. Come on Edi!!
there is a pressure point in between your thumb and index finger in the fleshy part. it didnt do anything for me but worth a try. sometimes being stressed can also keep you from going into labor so take a bath, relax, have boyd give you a massage, read your favorite book, or watch your favorite movie. I kept repeating to myself the last couple weeks and during labor "this will end" and it helped me. good luck!
I only suggest this because you sound like you're as desperate as I was to get Magdalena born - have you tried stair climbing? Find a tall building and climb up the stairs. It worked for me. I wish you luck!
I can't believe you are even alternating power walks with running after 39 weeks, that's amazing! Whenever this girl decides to make her debut, at least you know you'll be in great shape for the labor. Good luck! Enjoy the fact that so many friends and family are thinking of you. :)
Thank you for this blog post!!! Every word of this post is excatly what I'm going through right now. I'm now past my due date power walking over 3 miles a day and still no sign of baby coming. So frustrating! It's horrible to say but the worst part for me is the million texts and calls that I have to respond to... "No she is NOT here yet" ... How do you keep your mind off and relax when you are reminded every second? Well I'm sure you have a gorgeous baby in your arms by now but I truly wanted to thank you for your great post!
Post a Comment