Someday

I have to say that I've never really written anything personal on our blog, and after last week of having my pity party I just want to thank the cheering section I didn't know I had! Thanks to Morgan who helped me finally figure out how to cheer up our blog.

So on occasion I come up with baby names that I "submit" to Boyd. Since the usefulness of such a practice is null for us at this point it shouldn't really be serious, but we definitely take it seriously and have full-fledged discussions on the merit of a name. Recently I told him that I liked the name Ginger for a girl. As any good husband should, he was thoughtful about this lastest whim. However then he proceeded to tell me that in England if you have red hair you actually have "ginger" hair. And since the probability of us having a redhead is pretty high he didn't think that would be very nice if some bloke said one day to our daughter (in English accent), "You're kidding me--really--your mum and dad named you Ginger and you have ginger hair. Well that's jolly ridiculous."

So maybe not.

In other news, in school we are learning about the GI system which is fairly disgusting, Boyd goes on his 1st buisness trip to exotic Milwaukee at the beginning of June, and I finished my very first sewing project since high school making pillows for our couch.

Also, I was talking to an old high school friend last night who's in culinary school and I was so jealous. She said in their pastry class they recently made banana cream pie and they deep fried the bananas first, and then folded them into pastry cream with a copious amount of fresh whipped cream on the top. Wow. I seriously would like to raid her refrigerator. Anyways there are a few things that I really can't wait to do in life and culinary school is definitely top on my list. I'm pretty sure Boyd is even more excited about that then the whole med school thing. He's not quite sure how he feels about having to be a guinea pig when I'm practicing physical exam skills. But he has made it quite clear that he'd better be a guinea pig for culinary school. I think he misses the days when I took all the cooking classes at BYU and brought him home the leftovers.

I want to hear what other people are jealous of--or are just hoping to do "someday." I am definitely OCD and have a whole list. Having 4 kids is in there somewhere. As is planting a fruit and vegetable garden. And maybe becoming Martha (minus the trouble with the law).

The one person who truly understands it all

I am not a blogger. I am not a scrapbooker. I am not crafty. I am not so many things that I sometimes pretend to be. I just spent the last hour trying to make our blog background cute and interesting since I've never changed it (and it seems like everyone else has skills in these areas and so clearly I should too). But I'm over it. Done. I admit defeat.

I basically just want to cry right now. But I have no reason to--my life isn't hard. I don't have any screaming kids, or a negative bank account, or even a pimple. I'm not pregnant and swollen, I didn't just burn dinner, and my husband is not working the night shift. I'm not single and lonely, nobody in my family is sick, and I am not sleep deprived. I didn't just fail a test or get rejected from a job. Everyone I know has any of a hundred reasons to feel like crying--but not me.

The one thing that makes such a seemingly perfect life hard sometimes is that feeling of not fitting in anywhere. Sometimes I think the Lord has asked me to take one of the hardest roads of all--the road not taken. I know my life isn't full of the real difficulties in life--the 2am wake up calls from a fussy baby or the trying to figure out which top ramen flavor we want to eat tonight to make ends meet. I don't get the hangover all my classmates get after a crazy party or hear all the heartbreaking gossip from the local bar they all went to on Thursday night. But as crazy as it sounds, it's the not going through those trials that is hard. Because it's lonely.

At church I am probably the only one that doesn't have any kids--and isn't planning on it in the next five years. I'm not sure how to contribute my two sense on morning sickness, or labor and delivery, or potty training a two-year-old even though I'd like to. Little do most people know that I actually envy their shared experiences.

At school I am the only girl who's married and Mormon. I don't fit into the Mormon click because I'm a girl. And let's be honest: there is no married click. Boyd and I try to make an effort to go to the parties and bring our own rootbeer and that works for the first hour before everyone gets drunk. I can't quite keep up with the Twitter of it all.

So, well, it's going to be a white blog. And maybe after re-reading this it's not so bad. "In the depth of winter, we find within us an invincible summer." Especially in Arizona. I may not have an adorable mormon mommy blog, or a recipe for green jello, but somewhere I know I am not alone. Thanks to the one person who truly understands it all--Jesus Christ.